Getting a star from a tree: The story of a retard, only on Lifetime.Hi. Remember me?
Yeah...crazy times...but here I am. I did a couple of posts, but then I found out that I wasn't updating at all, but throwing cats at my computer. Eh, misunderstanding happen.
ANYWHO
Where were we? Ah yes. I have been playing games this whole time, don't you worry. Now let me tell you the story of my experience with
Scribblenauts -or- How I reLearned to Stop Jubilating and Not Believe in Hype.
Once, long ago, I learned that a game that was hyped up by advertisements, games journalists, magazines, etc., was always going to disappoint come launch date. Not just disappoint the masses, but me more than anyone. Even GTA was a constant disappointment (sorry, it just wasn't my bag, baby.)
Then, finally, the one (read: the Neo) of hyped games came out that turned my life around. Batman: Arkham Asylum came to me in my weakest moment and gave new life to me (and if you know what I was going through at that time, you know that there is probably WAY too much truth to that). With my shiny happy new outlook on the world of big videogaming, my giant burning all-seeing eye was set on one game in particular...
SCRIBBLENAUTS!Oh, how the joyous praises of the game were sung. You could WRITE ANYTHING and it would magically appear in the game! Never has this been done! You could pit
God and Einstein against eachother and throw a kraken in there for good measure. Truly, this would be a wonder of wonders. And, even as a surprise move to myself, I reserved the game at Gamestop...I really wanted that hat, retarded rooster or not.
That's when a dark cloud appeared over my kingdom. Tragedy struck as I was delayed a day in the extraction of my game from the lair of the Gamestop goblins. A day late, I arrived to find that my hat had already been lost to the masses (even though I reserved the game and they should have gotten 1 hat per..limited quantities my ass).
Scarred, but not thwarted, I triumphantly took my game home. Upon my arrival I unsheathed the great wonder from the
Gordian Plastic (there's a refernce for you) and proceeded to fight all manner of beast and brute, collecting shining gold emblems along the way.
And then the game that claimed to be only limited by imagination showed it's limits in logic and eventually, imagination.
The game was so great at first. Then suddenly I found that things that had some similarities were repeated items (i.e., medicine, potion, poison, etc; republican, businessman, democrat, etc.). I came to a challenge where I was to fight through evil knights, so I donned armor and a shield and sword, which in fighting knights, should keep you from dying so quickly. Or donning a bullet-proof vest when tying to stop an armed robbery...such is not the case. In the end I had a t-rex come and take care of them for me, which sounds fun right?
That's when the pattern sets in. When the super fun way and creative ways you come up with to solve a puzzle don't work, you end up using the same things over and over and over and over again, and it gets old. For me it always ended in "wings", "rope", "glue", "grapple", or in heavy duty cases, "helicopter". Also, things don't interact correctly...where a large (and it's huge) steel box should hold your weight to climb a rope from, nope. It falls on you the same way a small wooden box would. Also, people don't eat or grab things you give them a lot of the time, when it seems that they should. If I shove a donut in your face, you damn well better eat it.
Then came the saddest realization of all; my avatar wasn't some cool avant garde hipster in a rooster hat; he was a retard who lost his way from home. It's not just the fact that he was having trouble helping people in your neighborhoods with mundane tasks, nor was it the hat. It was the fact that 3 out of 5 times the object I would select wouldn't be selected; rather, it would be a simple tap that would sent my little buddy laughing and running off a cliff into a pit of spikes or lava. Every single time, with that smile on his face, he'd run haphazardly to his doom or push a button that would blow something up.
I would have actually grown an attachment to him were it not that he was always dying.
(Random interjection: I mean come on! Even a flying, invulnerable SUPERHERO can't stand up a robber with a police baton. Jeez!)With my head hung low, I realized that Scribblenauts made me do two things that I swore never to do before and never to do again: Preorder a game at Gamestop, and trade in a game at gamestop.
With my trade in Gamespot bucks, and a reinstated appreciation for the underhyped, I bought the game that I should have gotten in the first place: Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story.
And we lived happily ever after.
The End
Labels: DS, nintentdo, retard, review, Scribblenauts
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