One Hand On My Joystick

Young, hung, and sporting a lightgun: one gay boy's look into the world of debauchery and geekery.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

HEY! LISTEN!


The Mario Brother from another mother.



For those of you who don't know, I have a Wii now. I stood in line in the brisk November air for 10 hours in the middle of the night. And I loved it. The people were great. Link was there, Mario and Luigi, another Mario (I think it was an extra life from another game), and a Gregario. I played a LOT of Mario Kart DS with people, which, if you have lots of people to play it, it's amazing. I miss all my people, though.
Oh, and I found the Triforce.
Anyway, the Wii. It's amazing. I love everything about it. I'm PARTICULARLY fond of the Mii Channel they have. You get to create an avatar that can go to other people's consoles, which is cool. And mine ACTUALLY looks like a little toy version of me. Which is cool and creepy at the same time. I hope it doesn't steal my soul. Sometimes, I think it can HEAR me as well as it can track my movements. But the game I'm playing...it's....it's...


The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess


I'm about 6 hours into it. The beginning is really, really stunning, yet ambiguous and a tad restrictive. You're not allowed to leave the forest or your village to go into the entire world (which I hear is HUGE I hear) until a point I have yet to reach. Visually, it looks like it was made for the GameCube. The graphics could have used a LITTLE polish, but it still looks STUNNINGLY great. And when I see Link actually crack a smile, I melt. I love Link.
However, the most disappointing thing is that there is apparently a love interest this time around for Link. No more running around with the faries, no more Link and Zelda just being friends. It's sad, really. Then again, this girl DOES have a seemingly unhealthy obsession with Link's horse........

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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Let's Get Wii-tarded

First of all, someone buy me this.

I meandered my way into the Nintendo store today, and they had several kiosks up to play Wii games.
I cannont express in text the excitement I felt...but wrap your mind around this:
When I walked in and saw the Wii-osks (I MADE THAT UP JUST NOW BITCHES) I felt my weiner explode into a new universe of existence where all pleasure like oxygen and my brain had devoloped several holes that were filled with rainbow and unicorns and Chuck Norris was there, too, kicking me in the face with the foot that smells like a word that is more than extreme happiness.
It was like I met a REAL ninja, I was so excited. And he raped me...Naruto style. He rape-jitsued me, with all of his awesomeness.
Oh. Almost got too distracted.. Lemme tell you about the games I played.

Wii Sports: Tennis
Pretty basic stuff here. Basic in the pretty awesome way, though. As a 4 year (that's f***ing right, FOUR) varsity tennis player, I loved how the controller responded to my wrist position. The way my wrist was tilted changed the direction the ball would go. Amazing. However, from what I tried, the speed of the swing doesn't affect the speed of the swing in the game. And some of the aiming was weird. It'll be fun to play at first, but it'll be slightly annoying after awhile I'm guessing. The *cute* guy giving me swinging lessons (I KNOW I didn't need them, but I liked him holding my Wii-mote with me) kept reassuring me that it's only a demo for how the control works, and it certainly feels that way. But I still can't wait.

Dragonball Z: Budokai Tenkaichi 2
This played pretty damn good for what it was. I was having a lot of fun playing with the Nunchuck and the Wiimote, and the response of the controls in a fast paced game was good. HOWEVER, why I was TRULY excited to play this game was for the idea that you could do the same moves from the show to perform certain attacks, ergo to do a Kamehameha, you actually bring your hands back like Goku and thrust forward, releasing your Ki energy in a powerfully concentrated blast that will obliterate your enemies. However, that wasn't the case. I jumped right in doing that, and ended up doing a Kaoken attack. I was pissed. I didn't want the Kaoken. How could I beat Frieza with just a Kaoken attack!?!?!? I would have to be a SUPER SAYIN (Sayajin if you're a Jap). God. The special moves needed some work. But it was wonderful still. Cheese louise people. Can't you get your Kamehamehas and Special Beam Cannons right?!
I must go and scrape the crusty zits from my face now.


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Saturday, November 11, 2006

This One's For Jonathan

So I'm a huge nerd, and I have a huge sex drive. But I'm a nerd first and foremost.

A boy was trying to convince me to go home with him. We got on the subject of videogames....and he mentioned that he wanted to get a PS3.
I just wouldn't have it. I did all in my power to convince him not to buy one, and then he got very angry at me. Needless to say, I did NOT get lucky that night, sans the satisfaction of confounding a Sony fanboy.

Now, on the way home from Jonathan's birthday at Phoenix, I craved....CRAVED...corn dogs. I love corn dogs. So much. Yum. So I'm walking to the 14th st Papaya and there are two guys checking me out, who I talk to. They're both German (HOT) and they are both interested in talking to me (HOT). But I was SO hungry. So we're talking and flirting, but I'm being completely facicious because I want a corn dog. So I explain my situation, and they INSIST on seeing me eating a corn dog. And then, after I make an ass of myself in explaining how I wish Oxygen was actually Corn Dogs and I would breathe that instead, I did not have a 3-some. And I came home and wrote this.
But I brought 2 corn dogs home with me.

The End

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